The Wages of Sin

The convent funds were getting quite low,
So Sister Mary and her friend Sister Jo,
Both racked their brains to think of a way,
To try to raise money within just one day.
A Bring and Buy Sale would take far too long,
A raffle or ballot would be morally wrong,
A fashion parade was not in their style,
So they both racked their brains for another wee while.

"I know," said Mary, "I've thought of a plan,
Let's get two chairs and go down to St Anne's,
We could both sit outside with a couple of tins,
And put up a wee sign that says, ‘Pay for your sins’."
"It's a brilliant idea," replied Sister Jo,
"But the Protestants have done it already you know,
They have their Black Santa at their Christmas hols.,
And it is their cathedral after all."

"Ach don't be so awkward and makin’ a fuss,
If the Lord gives to them then he'll sure give to us,
There's two or three deck chairs down in the store.
Come on, Sister Jo, don't be such a bore."
At last they agreed and they set off for town,
They found a wee spot and sat themselves down,
The money rolled in despite the odd stares
At these couple of nuns and their colourful chairs.

Now after an hour or so came a wee lull,
The excitement had settled and 'twas just a bit dull,
So Mary and Jo lay well back in their seats,
And in the wink of an eye they were soon fast asleep.
Ten minutes later they awoke with a start,
And what stood before them fair quickened their hearts,
Two uniformed men in their dark bottle green,
Were looking for permits, nowhere to be seen.

Jo looked at Mary and Mary at Jo,
On each of their faces a warm rosy glow.
"I'm afraid we don't have one," Sister Mary replied,
"But I'm sure for two nuns you could turn a blind eye."
Said one of the gentlemen, "I don't think that we could,
'Cause you're breaking the law no matter how good
Your intentions and motives originally were
When you first came along with your stripey deck chairs.
But we'll make you a compromise that I think is fair -
You can keep all the money that you have got there.
But you must take your chairs and your collecting tins,
And go back to your convent and pay for your sins!"

Sharon Truesdale

(Sharon died in 2007)